Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Can I just say...I really want to do that! Throw it ALL out of the window. I dread getting up tomorrow to get back on the hamster wheel AGAIN! This dread starts to well up in me around 4pm on my last day off (today). And that blackness called...STRESS begins to creep back, shadowing my lovely days off. I already can imagine the nightmare I will walk back into.
The chaos because no one was manning the front desk for the days that I was off. Everything will be in frantic mode. I will have a billion emails from my 3 different bosses. Yes...my friends, this gal is WAY micro-managed. One boss will say one thing while the other will dismiss the first bosses wants. It is the continual around and around, nobody knows where she will land theme! It makes me want to stand in the middle of my floor and throw my head back and SCREAM...I QUIT!
( This is a image that I came across and thought it looked alot like me...the hair and eyebrows and lips...lol! Oh fitting)
But of course, we all know that won't happen. With the way the job market is at this moment and time...I guess I should be saying "thank god I have a job!" Am I lucky?! Working in an environment that is dealing with people whose illness are sometimes just overwhelming. The needs of these patients and their families could push anyone to the drink! In a environment that has NO DOWN TIME! It is go-go-go from 745am till 815pm (12 hour shifts). I am the EVERYTHING & GO TO girl!
All I hear all day is constant phone ringing(over 600 calls a day), nurses and doctors constantly asking for help with some menial or life moving task, bosses that have (I swear) a list of hundred tasks that have to be done by 5pm. And the whole time I am to sit there and be the 'Captain' of my floor's ship (told to me by my manager...geesh! Ahoy Matey!)and have the habitual smile plastered on my face. And deal with families grieving or patients who are needing to know something about their illness or wanting to just chit chat, and hospital techs wanting to know who, what, where ALL THE TIME!!!!
Then there are moments in a day, where I can stop and look back at a moment where all of sudden it makes sense why I am there! Seeing a patients face light up when the Doctor walks in and tells them that the tumor they just cut out of them...was benign! Or the holding of a hand or soft hug given to a family member who just had to say good bye to their loved one.
Or remember the love I experienced when the tables were turned and I was in the hospital bed, wondering if I was going to die. And me being the person who received those soft hugs and holding of my hand when I was told I had cancer. Yes...those same nurses who I party with and work with, were there when my life seemed doomed. They were the same ones who stood by me when management seemed to have signed me off when I was so ill. They are the ones who called and sent messages of hope when all seemed so grim.
The loathing of my job really stems from the uncaring people who call themselves 'bosses'! Yes, those same people who need me so desperately now were so quick to write me off as a loss when they thought there was a chance...I would die! But, now I am always subjected to constant ramblings of "Robyn, your a valued employee here...blah-blah!" then they throw at me their demeaning list of tasks that seemed to be pushed from one boss to a lesser boss till it landed in the lowest man on the totem pole lap! You are right! I should quit and find another job...with a quickness. And yes my friends that is the master plan. Along with investing in some stock for ALEVE...the constant hitting of one's head on wall is taking a toll.
There are a couple snafu's that hold me back...I have FANTASTIC health insurance. And with my current position I need that like I need air to breath. And then there is the pay thing...yes! I must move from this job to another with the same or more 'coins' being deposited in my bank roll.
This dilemma that I am in with my current position is just temporary, but with some of my fellow blogger friends fielding some of the same problems with their current positions, I found my voice as well! And heck, it just feels wonderful to release all this out here in my blog! It really is such lift of a burden for now...until I walk through those hospital doors tomorrow! Welcome back to HELL!
With much love,
Posted by Robyn Haas at 9:29 PM